We found a GREAT story about a woman who got revenge on the coworkers who kept stealing her lunch . . . and it's a MILLION times more effective than a passive-aggressive note.
A guy posted on Reddit.com that his wife was having trouble with coworkers taking her lunch from the fridge at work. So he made her some buffalo wings . . . but covered them in ghost pepper chili powder and Blair's 4am Reserve.
If you don't know, ghost peppers are one of the world's hottest chilies, and Blair's 4am Reserve is one of the hottest hot sauces known to man. It's 7,476 times spicier than Tabasco.
He ate a couple wings to make sure they wouldn't KILL anybody, and says they were REALLY hot. Nothing would cut the heat, and the ghost chilies actually got HOTTER as time went on.
So his wife brought them to work, and just before lunch, they heard someone YELL from the kitchen. It was one of the younger guys she works with . . . and he ran to the bathroom and wound up vomiting uncontrollably.
Until I saw this story, I had never heard of the CHEESE MAFIA. I don't know many details about the Cheese Mafia. I kind of wish I could go back in time, when I was blissfully ignorant about the existence of the Cheese Mafia.
48-year-old Patrick Westcott is an employee at a cheese shop in Saint-Guillaume, Quebec. Last week, he tried to steal about 26,500 POUNDS of cheese. That's about $150,000 worth of cheese.
He drove up in a semi truck, loaded 20 pallets of cheddar and mozzarella, and tried to drive off with a lifetime's worth of cheese. Fortunately, the police caught him and arrested him.
So how does the Cheese Mafia factor in? A guy named Yan Jodoin owns a different cheese shop in Quebec, and he's pretty sure the Cheese Mafia is trying to control the flow of cheese in the province and beyond.
He says they were trying to put the store out of business because competition in the cheese world is SO FIERCE, people will go to extreme lengths to eliminate each other.
The police haven't determined if Patrick was working with the Cheese Mafia, or if he just wanted 26,500 pounds of cheese for himself.
You know it's a hell of a day when a five-hour standoff with the police is only the SECOND craziest thing you do.
29-year-old Ross Crampton of New Lenox, Illinois had a five-hour standoff with the cops on Saturday night, when he barricaded himself inside a house and refused to leave. We don't know if it was his house or someone else's.
After the cops FINALLY got him out, they decided he wouldn't be facing criminal charges . . . but they did take him to a hospital for a psych evaluation.
And around 5:00 A.M., Ross decided to leave . . . but he didn't have a ride. So he hopped into an AMBULANCE and drove off.
The cops tracked it down using its GPS and arrested him. And this time he IS facing criminal charges . . . for felony auto theft.
If only EVERY rude person could feel the burn of instant karma.
Matt Buckland is in the HR department at an investment firm in London called Forward Partners. And when he was getting off the subway Monday morning, he stood to the side to let a woman get off first.
But a guy behind him started yelling, SWEARING at him, then shoved past to get off the train.
When Matt got to work, he started conducting interviews for a web developer position . . . and the SAME GUY walked in. Turns out the reason he was in such a hurry to get off the subway was because of his job interview.
The guy didn't recognize Matt . . . but Matt recognized HIM. So he started the interview by asking questions about commuting on the subway . . . and kept going until the guy realized who he was.
The guy was embarrassed and apologized . . . but he was dead in the water. Matt says they still went through the full interview, but the guy isn't getting the job.
This story sums up everything we know about Russia: Everyone's drunk and they LOVE soup.
31-year-old Ivan Ozerov of Barnaul, Russia was walking down the street drunk last week, and thought he smelled SOUP wafting from a building.
So he decided to try to crawl through a narrow ventilation shaft to get his hands on some.
Unfortunately for him, as he was crawling through the vent his PANTS fell off . . . and he got stuck. He started yelling for help . . . and all people could see was his bare butt sticking out of the shaft.
Eventually some rescue crews used sledgehammers to bust down the wall and yank him out.
40-year-old Pamela Woods of Auburndale, Florida shoplifted a $15 necklace from a Walmart on Sunday afternoon. And there's a decent chance she could've gotten away with it . . . if only Walmart bathroom floors weren't so clean and inviting.
After Pamela grabbed the necklace and shoved it down her pants, she paid for her other stuff... but instead of getting out of there, she popped into the bathroom.
And while she was in the stall, she decided to take a NAP.
She was woken up by a few security guards who figured out she'd stolen the necklace, and they held her until the cops came.
Pamela has three prior convictions for theft, so even though the necklace is only worth $15, she's facing a felony petit theft charge.
When you catch a bouquet at a wedding, it means you're next in line to be married. In case you needed more proof that DOESN'T give you magical powers to find you a husband . . . meet Jamie.
37-year-old Jamie Jackson of Salt Lake City, Utah just applied to the "Guinness Book of World Records" for catching the most bouquets at weddings. She's caught 46 bouquets since 1996 . . . and she has the photos to prove it.
But even with all those bouquets . . . Jamie is still single. And she says she's NOT just staying single so she can stay eligible to catch bouquets. Apparently things just haven't happened for her yet. Maybe because she says things like this . . .
Quote, "My strategy is to be right up in the front because a lot of the time the brides don't know how far they are going to throw it. I've had many catches where I've had to jump for it. And I've hit little kids by accident."
If that's not crazy enough for you, she keeps all the bouquets she catches on display in a big glass case in her house.
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of "Saturday Night Live", "Rolling Stone" ranked all 141 current and former "SNL" cast members. It's not based on their entire careers . . . just their time on "SNL". And no guest hosts were counted . . . even if some of them have made more appearances than some of the actual cast.
Here are the Top 10:
1. John Belushi, 1975-1979
2. Eddie Murphy, 1980-1984
3. Tina Fey, 2000-2006
4. Mike Myers, 1989-1995
5. Dan Aykroyd, 1975-1979
6. Bill Murray, 1977-1980
7. Phil Hartman, 1986-1994
8. Amy Poehler, 2001-2008
9. Gilda Radner, 1975-1980
10. Chevy Chase, 1975-1977
And here's the rest of the Top 50 . . .
11. Dana Carvey
12. Will Ferrell
13. Bill Hader
14. Kristen Wiig
15. Chris Farley
16. Rachel Dratch
17. Adam Sandler
18. Maya Rudolph
19. Jon Lovitz
20. Al Franken
21. Chris Rock
22. Andy Samberg
23. Fred Armisen
24. Laraine Newman
25. Jason Sudeikis
26. Jan Hooks
27. David Spade
28. Seth Meyers
29. Martin Short
30. Billy Crystal
31. Christopher Guest
32. Tim Kazurinsky
33. Ana Gasteyer
34. Dennis Miller
35. Chris Parnell
36. Jimmy Fallon
37. Kate McKinnon
38. Don Pardo
39. Cecily Strong
40. Molly Shannon
41. Taran Killam
42. Don Novello
43. Vanessa Bayer
44. Rob Schneider
45. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
46. Kenan Thompson
47. Jane Curtin
48. Tim Meadows
49. Darrell Hammond
50. Nasim Pedrad
(For those of you who don't recognize #42, Don Novello's the guy who was BRILLIANT as Father Guido Sarducci.)
Tracy Morgan came in at #53 . . . "Spinal Tap's" Michael McKean and Harry Shearer were at #77 and #78 . . . Sarah Silverman is #101 . . . Damon Wayans hit #114 . . . Ben Stiller was #125 . . . and Gilbert Gottfried ranked #137.
Robert Downey Jr. did one season in the mid-'80s and he came in LAST PLACE on this list. But "Rolling Stone" puts the blame squarely on the show. Quote, "Robert Downey Jr. is a comic genius. Making him unfunny stands as 'SNL's' most towering achievement in terms of sucking."
(RollingStone.com has the whole list, along with brief-write ups for each. Many include their "greatest hit.")
Here's a guy who better have something epic planned for Valentine's Day. 26-year-old Danny Robinson lives in Jeffersontown, Kentucky, outside Louisville, and suffers from a kidney disease called I-G-A nephropathy. (nuh-FROP-uh-thee)
About a year ago, he was on dialysis and needed a kidney transplant. But none of his family members were a match.
So his mom managed to get on a local radio show in Louisville, hoping someone might hear about him and want to help. And a woman named Ashley McIntyre was listening. We're not sure how old Ashley is, but she looks like she's in her mid-20s too.
Ashley and Danny had never even met. But after hearing his mom talk about what a great guy he was, Ashley got tested . . . found out she was a perfect match . . . and decided to DO IT.
The transplant happened last April, and went smoothly. And after the surgery, they stayed in touch. Then about a month later, they both went to the same Memorial Day barbecue . . . and realized they might be a perfect match in more ways than one.
They started dating . . . and on Christmas Day, Danny PROPOSED. They haven't set a date yet, but they're expecting their first child this June.
Growing weed requires a ton of electricity . . . mainly for all the heat lamps you need to grow it indoors. And that just backfired BIG TIME for a grow house.
Police in the Netherlands noticed a house last week that was different than all the other houses on the block.
It was in a town called Haarlem, and every other house had snow on the roof . . . but this one had a totally CLEAR roof. And it wasn't like someone had gone on to the roof to clear the snow . . . clearly something INSIDE was keeping the snow off.
So they investigated and figured it out. That house was running a marijuana growing operation . . . and the heat lamps were so strong they were melting the snow.
The police raided the house and found it was a, quote, "industrial-scale cultivation of cannabis." Even though the Netherlands is obviously pretty lax about marijuana, it's illegal to grow more than five plants . . . so the people in the house were arrested.
This story would be a pretty straightforward robbery case . . . if it wasn't for the weird "elephant in the room" question.
A guy was walking down the street in Bradenton, Florida around 8:40 P.M. on Saturday night when three guys pulled up next to him, jumped out of the car, flashed guns, and told him to empty his pockets.
And for some reason, when the guy emptied his pockets, it turned out he was carrying 32 packages of Starburst candies.
THIRTY-TWO packages of Starburst . . . not individual Starburst candies, the packages with 12 Starburst each. That's 384 Starburst candies total. WHY was this guy carrying so much candy? We don't know.
But the guys robbing him were all teenagers, so they may've thought it was like winning the lottery. They PISTOL WHIPPED him and stole all of his Starburst.
The cops tracked them down a few hours later, and they're all suspects for carjacking, robbery, and discharging a weapon.
There's no word if the guy's Starburst stash was returned.
I don't think the best way to teach your kid a lesson is through psychological trauma. These people clearly don't agree.
A family in Troy, Missouri has been arrested for faking a KIDNAPPING . . . all to teach their six-year-old son to stop being, quote, "too nice" to strangers.
Last Monday, the boy's 38-year-old aunt had a 23-year-old coworker lure the kid into his pickup truck when he got off the school bus. Then the guy took him to a shed, tied him up, and put a bag over his head.
Then he took off the boy's PANTS, and told him he was being sold into sex slavery. Meanwhile, the boy's 25-year-old mother and his 58-year-old grandmother were on the phone with the guy the entire time.
When the cops found out and questioned everyone, the family didn't think they did anything wrong . . . they said their goal was to educate the boy, and they succeeded.
But they were all arrested and charged with felony kidnapping, felony abuse, and child neglect. There's no word how the six-year-old is coping.
A woman in Racine, Wisconsin called the police on Sunday afternoon, and reported her red 2000 Dodge Neon was STOLEN.
So the police headed out into the middle of a pretty serious snowstorm to try to find it.
About a half hour later, they still hadn't found it. Which is right when she called them BACK, and told them SHE'D found her car. It was in the exact same spot she'd parked it . . . it was just buried under a giant pile of SNOW.
You might think she was just trying to get out of having to dig her car out . . . but this seems like an AWFULLY large amount of work to go through for that.
I'm sure all the McDonald's in Australia have protocols in place if someone brings in their pet kangaroo. The McDonald's in central Wisconsin? Not so much.
Police in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin got a call recently from a McDonald's that was having a unique issue . . . a woman brought in her KANGAROO, and got upset when the staff told her she couldn't have it inside.
When a cop got there, he saw it was just a baby kangaroo, wrapped in a blanket in an infant car seat.
The woman told him it was a SERVICE animal, to help her cope with emotional distress . . . she even showed him a note from a doctor.
The cop said he wasn't sure if a kangaroo qualified as a service animal . . . and eventually the woman calmed down and left.
It's not clear where the woman got the kangaroo, but we looked it up and it IS legal to own a kangaroo in Wisconsin, if you have the proper permits. There are no specific laws on whether it's a legal service animal.
If you had to choose between enjoying life or having good skin, which would you choose? Hopefully you'd choose enjoying life. This woman did NOT.
50-year-old Tess Christian of London, England says she hasn't smiled in FORTY YEARS . . . so she can avoid getting wrinkles.
And it's worked pretty well. Looking at her photo, she has pretty good skin . . . I wouldn't say she looks 50. 40s, definitely . . . but not 50. So was it worth it?
She says, quote, "My dedication has paid off, I don't have a single line on my face. Yes, I am vain and want to remain youthful" . . . even though that meant NEVER smiling, not even when her daughter was born.
Tess says that even though she never smiles, that doesn't necessarily mean she's unhappy. Quote, "My friends nicknamed me Mona Lisa, after the painting. Mona Lisa was said to have been quietly amused, as am I. I just won't show it."
At least 34-year-old Stewart McNeal of Delray Beach, Florida is honest with himself. He's TERRIBLE at crime, and he knows it.
Stewart tried to rob a Dunkin' Donuts last week. He put on a mask . . . went inside . . . waited in line behind other customers . . . then pulled out a gun and demanded money when it was finally his turn.
But the clerk must've been able to tell he wasn't a good criminal . . . maybe the whole "waiting in line" thing was a tip off? So the clerk IGNORED him and started helping another customer.
But Stewart still wanted to get the guy's attention. And since the gun didn't work, he pulled off his MASK . . . maybe he thought his angry face would do the trick? And that allowed the surveillance camera to get a clear shot of him.
The clerk finally DID give him some money . . . but the cops had his picture and started circulating it. So Stewart turned himself in and admitted he, quote, "wasn't very good at the robbery thing."
Anyone who helped their neighbors dig out from the snowstorm this week definitely earned some brownie points. This woman isn't one of them.
On Tuesday, 61-year-old Barbara Davis was dealing with about two feet of snow outside her home in Arlington, Massachusetts, just outside Boston.
And it's not clear what prompted it, but she started fighting with a 60-year-old woman who lives next door. Apparently they have an ongoing hatred for each other . . . since the woman recently got a restraining order against Barbara.
And it looks like the judge who approved it made a good call . . . because Tuesday's argument ended with Barbara assaulting her with a SNOW BLOWER.
It's not clear if she hit her with it, blew snow at her, or both. But the neighbor ended up with cuts on her foot, so it sounds like Barbara rammed her with the BLADES.
She's being held on $35,000 bail, and is charged with mayhem, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, and violating a restraining order.