If you run into a burning building to save a person or a pet, you're a hero. If it's anything else . . . you're a MORON. Here's a prime example.
Around 3:00 P.M. on Sunday, a fire broke out in the basement apartment of a building in St. Paul, Minnesota. And when firefighters got there, they found the couple who lived there still inside . . . trying to rescue their flat-screen TELEVISION. The couple's names haven't been released. But according to a fire department spokesman, the unit was filled with black smoke when they arrived. And the man and woman were in the middle of disconnecting the cords from the back of the TV. Both ended up having to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation, but apparently they're okay. And it turns out they were the ones who'd accidentally STARTED the fire while they were smoking. Luckily, firefighters were able to contain it pretty quickly. But it still caused about $90,000 worth of damage. No one else was hurt . . . and officials say they're not sure if the television made it out or not.
Remember in the movie "WarGames" when MATTHEW BRODERICK hacked into the school's computer to change his grades? For three decades, people have been dreaming of hacking their way to straight A's.
Well, 25-year-old Roy Sun actually did it. And now he's going to jail. Roy was an electrical engineering student at Purdue University in Indiana. And not a very good one. So he and another student figured out a way to hack into their professors' computers and change their grades. First they secretly switched their professors' computer keyboards with hacker keyboards that record every key pressed. Then they used the results to get their professors' passwords, and used the passwords to change their grades. Roy changed eight F's and one D into A's. The other student changed one of his girlfriend's grades. Eventually they got caught, and both pleaded guilty to two counts of computer tampering and one count of conspiracy to commit computer tampering. But the other fled back to Japan, where he's from, and he's been there since. Roy was just sentenced to 90 days in jail, plus almost four years of probation after that.
Thursday was the luckiest AND most profitable day of this guy's life . . . in more ways than one.
On Thursday morning, police in Hingham, Massachusetts pulled over 22-year-old Scott Lowe of Rockland, Massachusetts for speeding. And he had a hell of an excuse. He told the cops he'd just won $50,000 on a $2 lottery scratcher . . . and he was heading to the lottery headquarters in Braintree, Massachusetts to cash it in. The police noticed he was SHAKING from excitement. He even showed them the ticket. And he was telling the truth . . . he'd won $50,000. So they let him GO . . . with a warning on his speeding ticket. Which is kind of like winning a SECOND lottery for a few hundred dollars more. Scott headed on to the lottery office and cashed in his ticket.
This happened on Valentine's Day but the report just came out.
Back on the 14th, 53-year-old Michael Williams of Sumter, South Carolina went to Applebee's for lunch. We're guessing he wasn't on a Valentine's Day lunch date, but you never know. He tried to pay with his debit card, but it was declined. So Michael offered to pay in cash . . . and pulled a TRILLION DOLLAR BILL out of his wallet. Somehow, the staff figured out it wasn't real and they called the cops. Michael wasn't arrested for using a fake bill, though . . . turns out he had an outstanding contempt of court charge so they arrested him for that.
Back in 2005, when Kayla Finley of Pickens, South Carolina was 18, she rented a VHS copy of "Monster-in-Law" from a video store called Dalton Videos. Now, nine years later, Kayla is 27. . . and STILL has that VHS of "Monster-in-Law".
If you've been lucky enough to block "Monster-in-Law" out of your memory, it was a "comedy" with JENNIFER LOPEZ and JANE FONDA. Dalton Videos has gone out of business, like almost all video stores . . . but while it was still around, the owner wanted JUSTICE. When Kayla never returned his movie, he reported her to the cops . . . and they issued an ARREST WARRANT for her. She's ignored all of their letters telling her to turn herself in for the past nine years . . . so finally, last Thursday, they arrested her for one misdemeanor charge of failure to return a rented video cassette. She spent the night in jail and was released on Friday morning.
(Huffington Post / NBC 4 - Greenville / Hollywood Reporter)
You probably know the feeling of waiting anxiously all day to get a package in the mail or from UPS. As an adult, it's pretty much the closest we get to the feeling of Christmas morning as a kid. Life is sad.
Anyway, on Saturday, 25-year-old Robert Kiefer of Akron, Ohio spent the entire day anxiously waiting for a check to come in the mail. Finally, around 3:30 P.M., his 56-year-old postman delivered his mail . . . but NO CHECK. Naturally, Robert immediately placed the blame on the POSTMAN. And, as if life isn't hard enough for postal workers right now . . . Robert ATTACKED the guy. Robert PEPPER SPRAYED him, then BIT HIM in the leg. They started wrestling in the streets until the cops came and broke things up. Robert was arrested for assault and resisting arrest. He's still locked up because he couldn't post $1,000 bail. Obviously. He didn't get his check, after all.
On Friday night, 24-year-old Lacinda Robinson of Denver, Colorado got home and found her house had been ROBBED. So she called the cops and asked them to meet her at a McDonald's, since she didn't feel safe at home anymore.
And while she was waiting for them in the McDonald's parking lot, three guys pulled up and asked her if she wanted to buy a Playstation for cheap. She said no. Then she saw one of the guys was wearing a Washington Redskins jacket . . . which she recognized as one SHE owned. And that's when she realized these guys were trying to sell her stuff back to her . . . without knowing it was HER STUFF. She grabbed two off-duty cops and told them what was going on, and they arrested all three guys. Their names or ages weren't released since they're all under 18. Lacinda got some of her stuff back, but is still missing an iPad and some cash.
Remember ten years ago when those Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish were everywhere? You don't see them much anymore . . . but now they're FIGHTING CRIME.
If you're not familiar with the Big Mouth Billy Bass, it's a plastic fish mounted on a plaque, that moves around and sings annoying songs when you push a button. The original ones were motion activated, to startle someone when they walked by. Earlier this week, a burglar broke into a fishing store in Rochester, Minnesota . . . and the store had a Big Mouth Billy Bass on the wall near the door. As the burglar broke through the door, he knocked the fish down. And when it hit the ground, it started singing AL GREEN'S "Take Me to the River". The lyrics go, "Take me to the river, drop me in the water." Apparently, that SPOOKED the burglar . . . because he dropped the fishing tackle he'd planned on stealing and ran out. Police are still looking for him.
If you were a criminal running from the cops, what would your ideal mode of transportation be? A helicopter? A motorcycle? Whatever it is, I GUARANTEE this ain't it.
Two 23-year-olds in Florida named Garrett Eure and Jessie Bryant are wanted for battery and armed burglary. And on Monday, they were hiding out at Garrett's girlfriend's house, about 60 miles east of Tallahassee. Somehow, they caught wind that police were coming for them. So they took off on foot, and MIGHT have been okay if they'd just kept running. But instead, they made it to a river . . . and decided to jump in a CANOE. Over the next five hours, they paddled about nine miles down the river . . . and probably thought they were in the clear. But once police dogs tracked them to the river, the cops realized they must be in a boat, got their OWN boat with a MOTOR on it, and easily caught up to them. Both men are now in jail, and Garrett's girlfriend was arrested for aiding and abetting.
In America, your first instinct when someone breaks into your house is to shoot them. Apparently in other countries, they sometimes take a slightly less DRASTIC approach.
A guy in Sweden named Tomas Holmberg woke up around 1:00 A.M. on Monday to a BURGLAR trying to come in through the door of his balcony. So he ran to the door, OPENED IT, and managed to subdue the guy. Which is when you'd expect him to do something awesome . . . like throw him OFF the balcony. But the guy didn't resist. So instead, Tomas called 911. And while they waited for police to show up, he offered the guy a cup of COFFEE to help him warm up. When the cops got there, the two men were sitting at the kitchen table talking. And after the 21-year-old APOLOGIZED to Tomas, police took him into custody.
Your flatulence is bad. COW flatulence makes yours smell like an expensive vanilla and lavender candle . . . and apparently it can cause chaos like THIS.
Flatulence contains methane gas . . . and cow flatulence has high enough levels it can be DANGEROUS. Yesterday, in Rasdorf, in central Germany, 90 cows at a dairy farm were exceptionally gassy . . . which means they were releasing a LOT of methane. Then some static electricity ignited all the methane they were releasing . . . and the farm shed they were in EXPLODED. Fortunately, no cows or people were killed in the explosion. Although one cow did need to be treated for burns.
It's definitely obnoxious when someone takes too many items into the express lane at a store . . . but is it worth going to JAIL? Over the weekend, it caused a SENIOR CITIZEN BRAWL at a Walmart in Florida.
On Saturday night, 65-year-old John Malherbe was unloading items from his motorized shopping cart onto the belt at a Walmart. Even though the lane was for 20 items or less, John had twenty-TWO items. The guy behind him was 77-year-old William Golladay. As John unloaded his items, William started COUNTING. And when John blew right past 20, William started SCREAMING that he couldn't use the register. Things got heated . . . and William ended up SHOVING his cart into John. Managers escorted him away, but he stormed back in with his fists up, looking to keep the fight going. At that point, cops got there and intervened. John's right elbow was injured by the shopping cart, but he declined medical treatment. William was arrested for battery on a person 65 years or older.
Early Saturday morning, 20-year-old Ruben Diego Ortega of Santa Ana, California broke into a house and stole a few cell phones and a PlayStation. And all that must've really tired the guy out.
Because when he went upstairs into the master bedroom, he decided to jump in bed with the couple who OWNS the house. Ruben hopped into bed, curled up at their feet like a dog, and went to sleep. Around 8:00 A.M., the man woke up and felt something touching his leg. He looked down, saw Ruben . . . and chased him out. Then he called the cops. They tracked Ruben down with the stuff he stole, and arrested him.
The beginning of this story is about a guy who obviously wasn't thinking clearly. The second half is a possible explanation for WHY he wasn't.
Back in October, someone started walking into a hospital in Altoona, Pennsylvania and stealing bottles of hand sanitizer. And it happened over and over again for MONTHS. (Altoona is about 100 miles east of Pittsburgh.) Well, last month police finally arrested 51-year-old Lee Ammerman after they saw him walking around the hospital, questioned him, and he admitted to the thefts. And when they asked WHY he needed so much hand sanitizer, he explained that he enjoyed mixing it with ORANGE JUICE and DRINKING IT, for the alcohol. It's not clear how many brain cells Lee has killed since October . . . or how many he had to BEGIN WITH. But in all, he stole about $80 worth of hand sanitizer, and faces charges of misdemeanor theft and receiving stolen property. He's due in court February 5th.
If you've ever been on the receiving end of an ATOMIC WEDGIE, they're not pleasant. That's where the wedgie is so powerful, the waistband actually makes it the whole way over your HEAD
Well, late last month, 58-year-old Denver St. Clair of McLoud, Oklahoma received what might be the most devastating wedgie of all time. Four days before Christmas, on December 21st, Denver's 33-year-old stepson Brad Davis showed up at his house. Brad's a former Marine, and they started fighting about Brad's mom, who'd previously accused Denver of domestic abuse. During the fight, Brad grabbed Denver's underwear, yanked them up over his head in an atomic wedgie . . . and it KILLED HIM. According to the coroner, Denver died of asphyxiation from being strangled by the waistband. Blunt force trauma played a role too. According to Sheriff Mike Booth, the underwear was still over Denver's head when police got to the scene. And Davis actually used the term "atomic wedgie" while explaining what happened. Davis claims Denver attacked HIM, and the wedgie was self-defense. But he was arrested on Tuesday, and it's been ruled a homicide.
In case you've run out of ways to describe how friggin' cold it is, here's a new one: It's worse than PRISON.
On Sunday, a 42-year-old inmate in Lexington, Kentucky named Robert Vick broke out of jail, wearing only his prison-issued clothes and a jacket. Which was WAY underdressed, considering the temperature in Lexington was in the single digits. So he broke into an abandoned farmhouse, stole some clothes, and spent the night in a barn. But overnight it got down to NEGATIVE TWENTY with the wind chill factor. And by the next day, he'd had enough. So he walked to a nearby motel . . . and asked them to call the COPS on him. Paramedics checked him out, and then brought him back to jail. He's currently serving a six-year sentence for burglary, and five years on other charges. It's not clear if he'll get more time for escaping.
32-year-old Walid Chaabani of Livorno, Tuscany, Italy is really putting MARITAL BLISS into perspective.
Walid was convicted of drug dealing recently, and got sentenced to house arrest. And we're not sure how LONG he was stuck in his house, but last week he had a special request for the police. He told them he was DONE . . . he just couldn't take being stuck in his house anymore, because of his NAGGING WIFE. He begged the cops to let him spend the rest of his sentence in prison. They were cool with it and took him to prison the same day.
Remember when people felt like they needed REAL reasons to get divorced? This is pretty much the opposite of that.
In Kuwait, a woman has apparently filed for a divorce from her husband after one week of marriage . . . because he eats his peas in a weird way. Instead of eating his peas with a fork or a spoon, this guy would scoop up the peas with a piece of BREAD, then eat them off the bread. Bad etiquette? Yes. A valid reason to end a marriage? Seems like a stretch. In the divorce papers, the woman said she was DISGUSTED and SHOCKED by her husband eating the peas with bread, and couldn't stay with him for the rest of her life because of it. There's no word on whether the divorce has been granted yet.
On Friday, 32-year-old Justin Harrel took his girlfriend, Eliana Rios, to Ackley Park in Elk City, Oklahoma, which is apparently famous for its Christmas display. Then he dropped down on one knee to give her a perfect Christmas proposal.
There was just one problem. Before he could ask her to marry him, a COP spotted him . . . and recognized him. Turns out Justin has some outstanding warrants in two different counties for passing bad checks and the cops have been looking for him. So the cop INTERRUPTED his proposal . . . and cuffed him. Justin asked the cop if he could finish proposing before he hauled him off to jail. And apparently, the cop was in the Christmas spirit too . . . because he said yes. Justin finished the proposal, the cop reached into his pocket for him to pull out the ring, Eliana ALSO said yes . . . then Justin was taken to jail. He's still locked up now.
The word "Florida" isn't really an adjective, but we feel like we can use it as one . . . because this is about as FLORIDA as a story can get.
Last week in Miami, 64-year-old Fernando Aguilera walked into a convenience store and tried to trade a LIVE ALLIGATOR for beer. Fernando had caught the four-foot gator at a park nearby, and he asked if the clerk would give him a 12-pack of beer for it. But the clerk called the cops instead. Fernando was cited for illegal possession of an alligator, and he could get up to six months in jail and a $500 fine. The gator was released back into the wild. There's no word what kind of beer Fernando wanted.